To My Little Angel

Dear little angel,

I don’t know what took me so long in writing you this, it’s probably  because I don’t know what to say, or what to think as a matter of fact. I miss you, that I know, and it hurts every inch of my body, that I can feel right this second.

I can’t help but wonder what you would look like right now, what your current obsession would be. In a few months you would’ve been 12, the last year before your teens. How I wish you were here so that we can have all the talks and bonds that sisters have and maybe even all the fights.

One of the hardest things my mind and heart cannot digest to this day is not having seen you, not for one second. I never held you in my arms and got to kiss your tiny hands. I don’t know why I had to be so young when you had your visit down here. That’s another hard part, I never went through the stages of grief one needs to find peace with death. To this day my heart aches at the thought of you.

As convinced as my brain is that you are in a better place and that you are up there playing with the fluffiness of the clouds and all the little angels like you, my heart cannot stop the pain. Without actually being physically present for more than two days, you are so greatly missed by us. Mom lost a little part of herself when you left us, but don’t worry, she also gained so much strength. I think I just learned that I have so much love to give, stored for you and I wish I would’ve been able to give it to you.

We still have all your things, untouched. They’re stored in my bed actually, so part of you is always with me. if God grants me a beautiful baby girl (which I’m sure you were) she’ll be the lucky one using these things, and guess what she’ll be named after you.

To this day, I still remember me praying to God after every prayer, and holding my breath to make a wish at every tunnel, wishing to have a baby sister. But God works in mysterious ways and I guess he answered my prayers. Maybe the plan is our reunion up there, and I can’t wait.

Down here we always say that the best are the ones that leave us early on. I like to believe that you were so good and pure God couldn’t keep you down here and have that corrupted. That simultaneously puts a huge smile on my face and causes a throbbing pain in my heart.

Sweet little girl, I know that our physical beings have never crossed paths but there is something I have to ask of you, and I believe it’s one of the most important things I’ve asked anyone to do for me. Please never forget me, never forget that you have a big sister in another world who has so much love for you, that cares for you so deeply that I’m sure the pain of not seeing you will only disappear the day we are reunited. I know I am not not perfect, I know that you are surrounded by nothing but purity up there but I hope that you can feel the love I have for you.

Love,

Your big sister

P.S. One last thing, give grandma and grandpa (both and both) a giant fluffy cloud hug from me, and please let them know I can’t wait to meet them and be with all of you.

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